It's been one year today since our lives were forever changed. Over the past year, life has continued, despite our hope on many occasions that it would not. I vagually remember the first few days after Ella passed. Most of my memories are more dream-like, as if I was watching our lives unfold through someone else's eyes. We were greiving not only Ella but the life we had imagined for her...growing up with a twin sister and experiencing life as only identical twins can. It pained us to look at Quinn...what more can remind a parent of a lost child than their twin??
In the days, weeks and even months that followed Ella's passing everything was dark and we trudged through our lives like zombies...doing the things that we had to do because Ewan and Quinn needed us. But alas this did not last. Though there are still dark moments, there are still tears shed and a lot of "what if's" asked....things are better. I have accepted what has happened to us. I have accepted that this event has reshaped the rest of my life....
But out of all of this darkness and despair that we have lived over the past year...a beacon of hope is now shining. Her name is Quinn. She has become a source of strength and hope for me. This was a child who was not supposed to come home from the hospital...and she was home with us less than a month after she was born. This was a child with a future that was "worrisome"...she is a happy, beautiful and inspiring little girl who can sit up by herself, feed herself and drink from a sippy-cup. Yes, nothing is guaranteed and she still may have obstacles placed in her path...but they will be nothing compared to the obstacles that she has already overcome.
Thanks to all of you who continue to follow this blog.
Jeff
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